Saturday, January 12, 2013

The end of the middle

As most of you know by now, the evening after the orphanage visit was horrible. Elli was obstinate and boy, when she is mad she can really tune you out. She turns herself into a statue and sits in her bed until she collapses in sleep. I had really gotten over it the first night but this was different, she was angry. She was unable to communicate with me and she was unconsolable. I felt helpless, sad and pretty ticked off all at the same time. I had to remind myself of what this little precious child, my daughter, had experienced this week and this day and then remind myself that I was the adult in the room. I had to get over myself and ask for help. 

Michael came and restored order somewhat. We all went to bed and awoke the next day as if nothing had happened. At least i knew Friday...  the day we leave for GZ, was going to be a great day. 

As predicted, Elli loved her plane ride. She watched all of it and smiled the whole way. We were picked up by Miko and her driver and drove for what seemed like forever through thick traffic to the beautiful Garden Hotel. We organized paperwork for a few minutes because the next couple of days was going to be crazy busy with paperwork and misc visits all leading toward getting Elli's visa to leave China for the US.  Michael then went out to bring home dinner. Elli wasn't  thrilled about him leaving but we got her in the tub and played etc until he came back with a great meal. We ate and laughed and in the midst of it all  we realized we needed water and wanted some orange soda. Michael and Josh got ready to go back out and Elli went to get her shoes. Being told she was going to stay was not acceptable and she began to let us know she would have none of it. I ended up carrying her literally kicking and screaming back to her bed. I tried to hold her and comfort her and sing to her but she hated me with all that she had at that point. All she wanted was Michael and no one else was good enough. So, once again I sat the angry statue of a child into her bed and in the dimmed light i began to get more organized. I knew there was a chance that tomorrow would be alright but there was just something in my gut that made me feel like she hated me and was never going to get over it. There was a part of me that didn't care. I was as mad at her as she was at me. 

Once again, I needed a reality check and it didn't take long before God shook some sense into me and I decided to sing to her and talk to her anyway. I sat across from her and stared into her eyes. I sang and talked and yes, even cried to her. Then, after using up all i had i once again walked away. She could think a lot of things about me but one she would KNOW and that is that I will never abandon her, even when she is acting poorly. 

Michael arrived back at the hotel and entered the room. Of course I was adamant about him not  being her rescuer but he can kiss her goodnight. After another several minutes and  the chance for her to see me put Kate to bed and kiss her goodnight, I realized Elli had turned her body toward the pillow and was staring at it.  I asked her if she wanted to put her head down and her whole body relaxed. She fell onto her pillow and allowed me to rub her back, to tuck the blankets around her and to kiss her goodnight. 

I was not sure what happened, what had changed or what tomorrow would bring but what I did know was that I had some kind of God-given victory. I would sleep well because of it.

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