|Elizabeth "Elli" Hope Farhart|
taken Nov. 2010
NINE MONTHS before I would
ever see her face.
Today, well this whole last week or two, has been my first taste of...
"WHAT IN THE WORLD HAVE WE DONE?"
I don't expect anyone else who hasn't adopted to understand these feelings because anyone who knows someone who has adopted from anywhere understands the commitment on every level that a person makes when they dive into this ocean of paperwork, gov't intrusion, check writing, fund raising, and for some, family disharmony.
|Elli in Sept. 2012. Celebrating with|
her friends at the Orphanage
Why in the world would the day come when it all begins to "happen" and I feel like I want to run and hide?
Thankfully, I have met enough adoptive moms to realize I am not a freak, an insensitive creature, or an idiot... I am totally normal. The changes that are about to happen are monumental and in many ways the tasks are greater and mountains higher than if I were physically pregnant and about to deliver. I find it interesting that when I first considered these feelings I thought "If I were physically pregnant I'd at least know that God was all in it"
Weird how I forgot that God was/is all up in this as well...
So, just as I would head off, bag in hand, to the hospital to deliver a new little Farhart, I am off (with a few extra companions) with multiple bags in hand to travel half way around the world to meet my new not as young but still very little Farhart. There's just a whole lot more adventure that goes along with this birth.
God is no less a part of the change in this family through Elli's adoption than He would be if Elli was born from my body and arrived home as a newborn. I have seen Him work in ways I'd not have seen if we weren't adopting and my faith and awe and commitment and delight are all the better for it. My thrill at watching Him work through my brothers and sisters in Christ has been thrilling and just as Mary tucked thoughts away in her heart as she watched interactions between outsiders and her first born, I have tucked away thoughts, written down thoughts, and snapped photographic thoughts and put them into a special box for Elli. When she gets older, when she hits adolescence (or earlier) and she begins to wonder about how she fits into all of this I will be able to pull out that box and show her how much people loved her. The people that she sits with every Wednesday and Sunday; the people that she plays with throughout the week; the people that she calls her best friends... she will be able to read for herself, see for herself, hear for herself of the love that all these people had for her long before they even knew who she was. That's an amazing reality. I'm excited for the day that the truth of that sinks in for her.
I love all of you for enabling me to have that moment in time with her one day.
So yes, it's time, it's time to load up the car, present our tickets, get on an airplane and begin the emotionally exhausting but adventure of a lifetime... and BECAUSE you are praying and petitioning my Lord on my behalf, I know I can do this because it's not ME doing it... It's Christ in me.
|Elli on December 23rd, 2012... 15 days before her life and our lives will|
forever be changed.