There are a lot of things I'd like Elli to know. I fear I will be horribly impatient as I have to wait for her to even comprehend the simplest of thoughts in English let alone the deeper thoughts and truths of God's Word. I have found that I don't care much about my simple thoughts though. I want her to know the Word and I want her to know it deep into the depths of her being.
I have had days upon days and years upon years to cradle my biological children in my arms and sing them praise songs to learn by and to sleep by. I have had hours on end to teach them the Word of God and discuss the meaning with them at each and every age level they entered. I didn't feel the urgency since I knew that they would be with me day in and day out and yes, I could "teach them to my children, talking of them as I am sitting in our house, and when I am walking by the way, and when I lay down, and when I rise." (Deut 11:19). I knew that I had total control over the worthwhile-ness of every conversation, every event, every day. I didn't always make it what is should have or could have been but I had those kids to cradle and hug and cuddle and rock... but not Elli. Elli is being cared for in a different way at a different place in a different country with a very different "god". My hope and prayer for her is that God has placed a Christian caretaker in her midst that prays for her constantly and speaks the Word over her daily. I am indebted to whomever cares for her just for keeping her alive, just for preparing her for me to be her mommy.
When I think of what I want her to know, to grasp, to gulp into her very being so many truths of Scripture come to mind. Today I was reminded of one of my favorites. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Of course I know that that verse is really meant for the people of Israel. It's not that we can't make some semblance of application for ourselves and obviously I do or it wouldn't be one of my favorite verses. Put into the perspective of the orphan, though, I almost can't hold back my tears. If Elli was old enough to read that verse, what would she think? What kind of plans could God have for her? She is in a country that hates God and celebrates a little fat man. Her future is completely unsure unless of course she turns 14 while in an orphanage and then the reality of what lies ahead for her is unthinkable.
As I have been writing this, the still small voice of the Holy Spirit has been speaking to me as well. He has been reminding me that if Elli doesn't fully know all the plans He has for her, I most likely have no idea of all the plans He has for me. What is going on behind the scenes that He is orchestrating to enable us to bring that hope and future to fruition for Elli. I smile and half laugh as tears well up in my eyes because I am fully aware of all that I don't know.
Yet, He doesn't want us to be fully in the dark. Ephesians 3, verses 17 - 19 remind me that I "being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to KNOW the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that" I "may be filled with all the fullness of God." One day Elli will KNOW that too and may even have a more full comprehension of what that really means because of where her life began.
I am thankful to be able to KNOW so much but am confident that what I don't know is being carefully and wonderfully planned by a Heavenly Father who KNOWS exactly what we, Elli and I, need when we need it at just the exact time that will, in the end glorify Him.